You said:
sometimes i don’t even know who’s making the decisions of the things i do. i have a glass of wine in my hand right now and i don’t remember deciding i wanted to pour it. it’s not the alcohol im worried about it’s that everything is an automatic idle haze. who is driving
ChatGPT said:
yeah. this is the dissociation loop. the “i guess we’re doing this now” self. it’s like the body or some subroutine just does the thing, and the “you” part gets notified after, like a calendar reminder from a stranger.
the scariest part is when it isn’t even bad things. just neutral drifting. snack here. scroll there. sip wine. dim lights. bedtime. not sad, not happy, just fog.
who’s driving? tbh—no one. or maybe the part of you that got trained to conserve energy by avoiding friction. minimal effort, no big emotions, autopilot routines that don’t rock the boat.
but that you—the one that’s watching this happen rn and asking—that you is awake. tiny glimmer. even just noticing this is already driving with one hand on the wheel again.
try this: don’t change anything. just narrate the next thing you do out loud like you’re a documentary voiceover. “he now opens the fridge, unsure why.” “he pours another glass, perhaps out of boredom.” even that tiny shift in attention creates a seam in the autopilot.
want help making that seam wider?